Do you want to learn how to be a better mom? You’re not alone. Whether you just want to improve or you’re feeling down about your mom skills, these tips will help you be a better parent.
21 Easy Tips to Become a Better Mom
(This post might contain affiliate links, which means if you happen to buy a product I love then I may get a commission – at no extra cost to you! For all the Ts and Cs go here.)
When you were preparing to be a mom, did you imagine that you would be this perfect super mom? Full of love and excitement for your baby, you envisioned yourself being the mom who could do it all. You dreamt of making fun little activities, baking with your children, and always speaking to them patiently.
But then it all came crashing down?
Instead, motherhood proved to be challenging and exhausting. Your patience went out the window with your solid 8 hours of sleep pre-motherhood, and the mom you assumed you’d be just doesn’t seem to show up anymore?
You’re not alone, so many other women are wondering how to be a better mom, because motherhood is not easy! And even though we know deep down we love our children and want to be as intentional as possible as we mother them, we can still have moments that just don’t 16feel like we are reaching our full potential as moms.
You’re not a bad mom though! You’re probably just a tired mom, or an overworked mom, or an under-supported mom trying to do it all!
And in the world of social media and Pinterest it’s easy to look out on all the other moms out there and think, – wow, I’m really not that great of a mom.
You’re doing great though, and to become an even BETTER mom doesn’t mean you have to change everything about yourself, but sometimes there are small little changes we can make to help us be even better moms!
When we are more patient and can give our children more loving attention it is for their benefit and ours. Motherhood is more enjoyable when we are less stressed. So let’s take the stress off and learn how to be a better mom.
21 Tips on How to be a Better Mom
Realistic self care
Self care is important for moms, and you’ve probably heard that before, but honestly the self-care we give ourselves needs to be realistic with our busy mom lives. A spa day probably isn’t going to happen, and some self care sounds more like materialism than actually caring for ourselves.
What are some simple things you incorporate into your life that would make you a little bit happier and cared for every day?
For myself, I find getting dressed right away in the morning to be important. I feel put together and ready to face that day.
The best self care is the kind of self care we can do on a daily basis, and as moms, that doesn’t take away a lot of our time. A few more easy ideas can be:
- A nightly skin care routine
- Keeping your coffee in a travel mug so it stays hot (so you actually get to drink it)
- Staying hydrated throughout the day
- Doing stretches – even if it’s with your kids
- Keeping a gratitude journal – write down 3 things you’re grateful for everyday
Little things like this can be powerful, and of course also things that take up more time and might need arrangements for you to be away from the kids for a bit, such as going for a run or even just spending time completely alone.
Self care is good for moms, because it makes us feel more human and to make sure our own needs are being met. If our needs are met then it’s a lot easier to be there for our kids, and that’s one way to be a better mom!
Related: Self Care for Moms
Give kids moments of your full attention
Children crave attention! Whenever you can, give your child your complete, undivided attention. Make eye contact and completely zero in on them and what they want to do or talk about.
This full attention will be significant for your child compared to distracted attention when we are busy doing other tasks. Even if you have a busy home life or multiple kids, sometimes it’s about quality over quantity. 5 minutes of your undivided attention is still very significant.
Even 30 seconds bursts spread out throughout the day.
Next time you are busy in the kitchen and your child comes in to tell/show you something try this out. Put down what you’re doing (assuming nothing will burn), get down to their eye level and give them your complete attention for a moment or two. This moment of connection will make them feel loved and safe.
Related: 4 Year Old Doesn’t Listen?
Schedules and routines for less chaos
Sometimes as moms the things that make us get frustrated and become impatient with our children is when the home is too chaotic.
Try coming up with set schedules and routines so the home will run more smoothly and you’ll have more sanity.
Create a schedule similar to how your days go already, but try displaying it on the fridge. You can also look into making a routine chart, where you display pictures of the steps in a task to help your child complete all the steps. For example, maybe everything they need to do in the morning or at bedtime. So there can be a picture for brushing their teeth, putting on pajamas, etc.
When your child knows what to expect throughout the day it actually makes their life easier and more predictable as well.
Use your imagination more
Spend more time playing with your children being silly and using your imagination.
Children love it when we play with them this way, and it’s not difficult once we get used to it.
Whenever you see them playing a game feel free to join in, or start the game yourself. It can be as easy as pretending to be their favourite animal. Your children will love this! You might want to save this post for later – my list of 28 unexpected but fun activities for kids.
Meet your own needs
A lot of times as moms we are so focused on everyone else’s needs that we forget to take care of our own, and this actually deteriorates our ability to be the best mom we can be that day.
It’s important to eat breakfast and get enough sleep if we know that being hungry or tired makes us cranky.
Using positive language with your children can totally change the atmosphere of the home. You will feel a different dynamic between you and your child when you use positive language to correct them, and all that positive talk can even put you in a better mood.
Try working on how you correct your children when they do something wrong, but also try to encourage your child more too. You can learn more about it here.
Find a hobby
Having a hobby can help us feel like we’re not “just moms” and having part of our identity outside of motherhood actually makes us feel like better moms! Instead of feeling worn down by motherhood it will just be another aspect of who we are. This is especially important for stay at home moms who often feel like their only identity is with their kids, but this can be important for working moms as well.
Find something you can enjoy that works into your lifestyle, whether it’s something you can do at home or outside the home. Maybe take up painting, or jewelry making, or axe throwing. Whatever interests you. Your hobby will also help you to destress which will also contribute to being a better mom.
Get in your kids’ heads
For a lot of moms who want to know how to be a better mom it’s also really important to be able to get into your kids’ heads to see things from their point of view.
As parents it is easy to always respond to our children based on our own point of view, instead of considering their side of things. We can react (and overreact) before we even understand why they did what they did.
Considering your child’s point of view will help when it comes to correcting their behaviour, but it will also help you understand their emotional needs, their interests, their worries and more. It makes you a better mom because you can tap into their minds and be there for them even better than before. Start by trying to visualize certain scenarios from their perspective.
Incorporate special moments/traditions
Having special moments between you and your child that happen on a regular basis will help them feel connected to you as well as deeply loved.
This can be something like having a really nice bedtime routine where you cuddle them to sleep, always playing outside with them after dinner, or having a treat together after grocery shopping. These regularly occurring moments will be special to your child and it’s what they will remember the most when they grow up.
Make sure that these moments aren’t ever based on behaviour – don’t threaten to take the special moment away if they’re being bad. It should be a tradition that they know will always be there, and it means even on the hard days where they know they’ve made mistakes, that you still love them and you are there for them
Get on the floor/playground etc.
When playing with your child, try to get to their level as much as possible. Sit on the floor with them while they are playing, or get on the playground or swings and be with them there too.
Learning how to be a better mom takes effort all the time, as we will always have the potential to get even better and better as moms. Find mom friends or mentors who you know will be a good influence on you and who can help you through parenting challenges that happen during certain ages and stages.
Sometimes it’s just encouraging to hear another mom tell you how hard it was for them to go through the same challenge, and it can give you the strength to tackle it fiercely as well.
Listen to podcasts
If it’s hard to find mom friends or mentors then you can also look into listening to podcasts throughout the day. Podcasts are great because it’s just like playing the radio – you can still be busy doing things in the house or with your kids with some insightful information going on in the background.
There are so many great podcasts out there, but I’d recommend starting with Unruffled by Janet Lansbury.
If your phone isn’t loud enough to play keep up with all your movements through the house then I like to either use Bluetooth headphones or a speaker. Here are some great options if you think podcasts will help you be a better mom.
Think before you speak
The little moments we often regret that most as moms is when we say something to our kids without thinking it through first, and we end up being more harsh than we ever thought we would be.
Next time your child does something and needs to be corrected take a deep breath and process what you are going to say before you say it. This will help you to say the words you believe are really the most helpful for your child, instead of just reacting.
Set better boundaries for your kids
Another way to have less stress inducing chaos is to set better boundaries or rules for your kids, and sometimes it’s best to create physical boundaries to prevent them from getting into certain stuff.
If your child just can’t be trusted with the crayons and it drives you crazy to see crayon marks on anything other than their colouring books then just keep the crayons out of their reach and only bring them out when you know you can 100% supervise. This boundary will protect your sanity, but it’s also better for your child. If they can’t resist the temptation to colour on the floors or walls, then it’s kinder just to take the temptation away then to keep testing them and expecting them not to fail.
Read more about setting limits and boundaries here.
Surprise your kids
Kids really love surprises, and this is another great way to make memories. A surprise doesn’t have to cost money, it can even be having a picnic in the backyard. Surprises are fun and exciting, and sometimes the anticipation of the surprise is better than the actual surprise. It doesn’t have to be anything complex or expensive, but doing something a little different can often be fun for your kids. What if when they came home from school you had built them a simple blanket fort in the living room, that would be so exciting and fun!
Figure out your anger triggers
The journey on how to be a better mom also means we have to dig into our own emotions and childhood wounds. This can be a lot of hard work, but discovering our anger triggers is the first step to overcome our mom anger. Try reflecting on why certain behaviours make you so angry – as a child were you severely punished for the same thing? Is that why it bothers you so much?
Being aware of your anger triggers will make you a better mom because you will be able to learn to control some of that anger instead of overreacting at your child.
If you know anger is a big problem for you, you might be interested in my course Angry Mom No More so you can overcome your anger once and for all.
Learn to process your anger
Understanding where our anger comes from, but it’s also important to be able to process our anger.
As I teach parents all the time about our kids – emotions are ok. It’s just a matter of knowing how to express our emotions in appropriate ways instead of piling our anger onto others. What helps you to calm down when you are angry?
If this is something you’re serious about working on I have a few things you can check out:
- This blog post on 6 ways to overcome mom anger
- My Instagram highlight about our wounded inner child
- My premium course Angry Mom No More
Reflect on what you love about being a mom
Spend some time with your thoughts or in a journal to consciously make note of the things you really enjoy about being a mom.
How can you bring those aspects out more in motherhood? How can you learn to enjoy other areas of motherhood as much as you enjoy those areas?
Drop the guilt
Why is mom shaming even a thing? Sadly it is and so many moms actually do it to themselves. We can look at Pinterest or Instagram and start telling ourselves that we just don’t measure up to these other moms. We can go to a kids birthday party and suddenly feel inadequate after we see the fancy cupcakes and decorations this other mom made. This guilt can slow us down.
Drop the guilt!
Everyone has different talents and skills. I am not a very artistic person, my body physically cannot create cute crafts…it’s just not going to happen. But I have other strengths as a mom, they’re just not Instagram picture worthy strengths so I guess I can’t show them off. We don’t have to feel guilty that we’re not doing what the other moms are doing though, because the truth is no mom can do it “all” because “doing it all” is an unrealistic expectation for moms. Don’t feel guilty about that!
Try Gentle Parenting
Gentle Parenting is a life changing approach to disciplining children, it is so different from the way most of us were raised, but it’s incredibly effective because it takes child development into consideration and aims to teach children to choose to do the right thing, instead of only obeying out of fear of punishment.
I have commited a lot of time and energy on this website to write about Gentle Parenting so you can check out that section, or some of the most viewed posts such as How to Discipline a 1 Year Old, Is Gentle Parenting Biblical, and What is Gentle Parenting.
If you really want to get started with Gentle Parenting though the best thing you can do would be to sign up for my free course – Gentle Foundations for Parenting where I will teach you all the basics you need to know to get started with Gentle Parenting and you can sign up here.
Ask for forgiveness
The final tip I have for those of you who want to know how to be a better mom, is to ask your children for forgiveness.
No one in this world is perfect, we will make mistakes with our children sometimes, and it makes us a better mom and even a better person to ask for forgiveness when we make mistakes. We don’t have to act like every decision we make is perfect, if we make a mistake we can ask our child for forgiveness and admit that we should have done things differently. This doesn’t make us weak moms, this makes us better moms.
I hope this has helped you learn how to be a better mom
Take these tips with you to learn how to be a better mom.
Motherhood doesn’t have to feel dark and lonely. It doesn’t have to feel like we are doing something wrong everyday or like we just don’t measure up to other moms.
Motherhood can feel beautiful and magical, and I hope these tips have helped you to embrace that!